A Time to learn
Lara after her service year to her nation got a job with a high profile organization like she always dreamed. She met Tom a banker during her service year. Both of them were, Christians who loved the Lord. After going steady for some years, they got married, and a few months after marriage Lara became pregnant.
Upon discovery of the pregnancy, Lara was happy and sad; happy that she was going to have a baby and sad that she would be relieved of her job because of her company’s policy. She really needed the job; things were not going too well in Tom’s bank in recent times. This was just the beginning. Things really got worse overtime. Just as Lara expected, she was relieved of her job. And things continued to get worse at Tom’s bank. The psychological and physical changes taking place in Lara did not help matters. Neither did the financial needs because of the baby on the way and increasing hospital bills due to the rough pregnancy Lara was having.
Lara and Tom started growing apart; they were both under so much pressure. All Lara’s dreams about how her first pregnancy will go were trillions of miles away. Tom wasn’t the caring and loving guy anymore. He was under pressure himself, the salary was not regular anymore, and he did not like the fact that he couldn’t meet Lara’s needs. His spiritual life was not in good shape too. The burden was heavy on him. And all this was just the beginning of their troubles…
Sometimes in marriage things get really tough, tougher than you ever dreamed even if you expected things to get tough sometimes. Even when you are expecting the storms, they don’t come in the way you expect. What do you do when these times come? How do you escape the noise and scare of the storm to remain focused? How do you manage the building challenges when the Honeymoon seems over?
How do you keep your dream of a model marriage alive? How do you stand by your spouse when you seem not to have any strength of your own?
When times like this come, its time to take your notes out and take down some lessons! Someone reading this will be wondering what I’m talking about.
Well I am still here, and did not forget what the story is about. This is a hard truth I had to come to terms with myself. I’ve come to learn that the Word of God remains true no matter how we feel. God’s word is constant regardless of the situation we might face. David the Psalmist saw this and said, Forever Oh Lord your WORD is SETTLED!
The Bible tells us that Our Light affliction is but for a moment working in us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory (2Cor 4:17).
First thing is never to exaggerate our troubles, rather see them as little issues that will pass. Most times we do not knowingly magnify our problems. When we meditate on our problem without a mind of seeking solution, things get worse. Remember we have a foe that must never be undermined, he lurks around the corner waiting for times like these to display the weakness of our spouses and remind us of the several options we had before marriage.
When things get tough, there’s only one place we need to remain, at the master’s feet and around the children of God to tap strength from others.
God wants to do some great things in our marriages this year but he needs to toughen us.
So get ready get your notes out. You might be going through hard times now, crying, too weak to pray and saying when will these end. It sure will end sometime soon but you need to hang in there first.
It’s a great year ahead, get ready!
|Living Beyond and Above the Sex Trap
This I say then, Walk in the Spirit and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the Flesh.
The Flesh lusteth against the Spirit and the Spirit against the Flesh: and these are contrary the one the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. But if ye are led by the Spirit, ye are not under the law. Galatians 5:16-18
The end of all our struggles will come when we walk in the Spirit. Walking in the Spirit all the time will not only place us not above our sexual struggles alone but all our struggles.
Christ did not leave us without help, He left us with the Holy Spirit, the comforter to guide, teach and even reveal the person of Jesus to us. John14:18-26
We will become the perfect person we want to be if we decide to walk in the Spirit always. We will have the perfect relationship we want when both parties in a relationship (of any kind) decide to walk in the Spirit all the time.
Easy to say but how do I get to practice it?
First you need to build a relationship with the God, that’s when you will be able to tell when the Spirit is speaking. Just the way you are able to identify your mum’s voice because of time spent together over time, you will be able to tell when the Spirit is speaking. The more time we spend with God the better we get.
And how do you build a relationship with God?
Firstly, accept the death and resurrection of Jesus as the sacrifice for your sins and the only way to your salvation; Believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord. Desire to have a relationship with God and continuously follow Him
Read the Bible and Pray Regularly. Surround yourself with the right set of people who share your passion for God. Identify good teachers of God’s word and listen to them.
It is very important to feed our mind fat with God’s Word, so that out of the abundance of the word in your mind you are led. You need to be able to say personally, ‘Your word have I hid in my heart that I may not sin against thee’.
Become a Living Sacrifice!
A Living Sacrifice is like a live goat tied to the place of sacrifice and set on fire, it feels the pain and the heat of the fire, yet it cannot leave the spot because it has been tied to the place. And when you bring more fire close to it, it has little or no effect on it because it already is on fire.
I believe this is a good place to start from as we begin the New Year. My prayer this year for you and myself is that we all become Living Sacrifices hot and burning for the Lord Jesus.
Have a Great Year ahead!
Living Above the Sex Trap
Now that we have accepted the fact that we all share same challenges and our challenges are tied to our past decisions.
What is the way forward? How do we get out of here? How do we live above this challenge?
Sometime ago I tried to personally answer these questions. While meditating on how best to tackle the issue God took me to a level of understanding of what it means for me to have sex outside the confines of marriage. This understanding led me to experience a level of self realization that led to a turn around. I believe we all need a level of self realization that comes from this understanding. Remember Bible says by understanding a house is established.
Long time ago there were several prophecies, some of the prophecies were that David would never lack a son on the throne, there would be a seed of David ……., a virgin shall be with child.
At a point in time in life there was a girl who decided to keep herself chaste and when the time was right chose to marry a young man named Joseph who belonged to the lineage of David. Her choice to remain chaste before and after she met Joseph positioned both of them in God’s plan and purpose for Eternity. It qualified her to be the channel through which the saviour would come. Imagine if it happened that for some reason before she met Joseph she made a mistake by giving in to the charm of some guy she had met when she was young and foolish (as we often describe it). What would have been the effect of her action on her life and even Joseph’s? Would they have ever known the joy of being the saviour’s earthly parent? Would their story be told every Christmas? To think that Mary’s action before ever meeting Joseph could have an effect on Joseph’s future is something that makes me shiver and brings me to think about what effect the life I lived before meeting my husband is having on him now.
Another thing I find interesting is that Mary in her wildest imagination did not think she was keeping herself to be the Mother of Jesus. All she wanted to do was keep herself for the Master.
The understanding that my five minutes of pleasure can change the story of my life and others, helped me a lot. What about you? Do you realize that your decision to keep yourself from any sexual immorality, positions you for God’s purpose for your life and could also rewrite the story of your life and that of others?
There was this widower in the Bible who had not lost his wife for too long. He missed the company and warmth of his wife. Mourning was over; it was time for life to continue. He was on a business trip to a neighbouring town when he met this harlot along the way. His desire for a woman was renewed. He did not have money to pay as he was on his way for business, so he promised to send a kid goat. She was not going to be fooled as she was not there without a purpose, so she asked for his Rod (his work tool), bracelet, Signet (his symbol of authority). This man dropped all these before a stranger in order to satisfy his flesh. He dropped his identity. Like Esau, he exaggerated his press for sex and in his heart said it was worth dropping all for. He enjoyed himself, only to discover later that what he fell into was a trap. A trap set because his daughter in-law who knew his tendencies, just the way the devil knows ours. Months later his acts that were done secretly were exposed.
When I first read this story I asked myself, is sex worth this much? Do we need to lay who we are down for sex? Judah was later identified by the things he dropped. He paid much more later because of the shame that followed his act.
For a full gist of the story you can read Genesis 38.
Christ finished the work of Salvation on the cross, His last word before giving up the ghost was “it is finished!” Therefore we can say God has completed all that concerns our survival in the Christian race.
In Joshua1:8 God told Joshua (and He tells us today), this book shall not depart from thy mouth, you will meditate on it day and night and you will observe to do all that is in it… and you shall make your way prosperous…..
From this passage we can see God telling us that prosperity depends on us in this passage.
In one of the comments, a reader quoted the words of David in Psalm 119 “Thy word have I hidden in my heart that I may not sin against thee”. Truly this is a good scripture to remember always but this words need to become our words too. We need to feed our minds fat with God’s word.
An underlying fact we must always bear in mind even while taking responsibility is that it not by power or might, but by His spirit. There is grace to live above sin first and not just grace to rise up from sin.
God help us all as we decide to remain standing despite all odds. And as the festive season approaches, remember to walk in the Spirit so that you don’t fulfill the desires of the flesh.
God bless you,
|Christians and the Sex Trap
….A man is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust and enticed.
How did we get here?
Every time a person falls without taking a second look to find out why he/she falls, there is a risk of having the same fall happen again. Why? Because he/she never knew why he fell and does not know what to look out for to avoid a second fall.
This is why I want us to answer this question first, How did we get here?
How did we get into a situation where our flesh seeks the most to do those things that our spirit hates?
It’s time we forgot for a second the story about Adam and Eve, and how man fell and sin was passed to all men. If we have been accepted Jesus as our saviour then we can claim to be new creature, for whom old things have passed away and all things have become new.
If so how come we that have been born of incorruptible seed have corruptible tendencies? Let’s do some reasoning together and draw the picture of an average believer.
Lets call this believer Billy; Billy loved to read as a child and read a lot of books while growing up, from various authors ranging from Enid Blyton’s classics, Pacesetters, Hardley Chase, Harlequin, Mills and Booms, Jackie Collins, Harold Robins, Sydney Sheldon, Dennis Robins, Barbra Taylor and the likes.
When it came to music, Billy listened to and sang every genre of music uncensored, from various artists like Boys II Men, R Kelly, Tupac, Aerosmith, Eric Clapton, Janet Jackson, Maria Carey, Toni Braxton, Madonna, Aron Hall, Withney Houston, Bob Marley, etc
Billy watched enough movies without proper guidance; Billy saw it all on TV, kissing, smooching, sex and all.
At school Billy talked and fantasized about sex with friends who were either practicing with their housemaids or neighbours, or dreaming about it.
The neighbourhood also exposed Billy to adults who abused Billy.
All these formed Billy’s attitude toward sex. Then came Billy’s first relationship which lasted for years. Soon Billy began experimenting, and soon it became a way of having fun for Billy.
Then something happened and Billy accepted Christ. Billy became a new creature but did not suffer a memory loss.
A major source of problem with staying in faith for Billy was the knowledge acquired years before knowing Christ. Billy’s mind had been well cultivated in those years by the media, Billy’s environment and experiences.
This is a brief summary of Billy’s life. Any sincere person reading this piece will agree with me that Billy paints the picture an average Christian’s life. A major issue everyone of us had (or still have) after giving our lives to Christ was the life we lived before knowing him. For me I lived in the nightmare of the life I lived before knowing Christ. Not that my life before knowing Christ was as colourful as Billy’s but my life before knowing Christ disturbed my prayer life, worship and thought process. For me I had to stop reading any literature that was not Bible based, (I even avoided Christian Romance) and listening to the radio so as to avoid anything not godly going inside of me.
Bible says don’t conform to the world but be transformed by the renewing your mind. My beloved in the Lord you will agree with me that the situation we have today is this;
And then expect to live a holy life because we are new creatures.
We did not suffer a memory loss, the pleasure of sex outside and inside Christ is the same, the only difference is that now you are in Christ you have a conscience that gives you a guilty feeling after.
Jesus Christ said, the things that defile a man are not the things that go into a man but the things that come out of a man. Why? Because you can decide to make something positive or negative of what goes into you. We have taken in all the multi media jargons and it has produced fruits of ungodliness, so much that now we are in Christ we are still who we were before knowing Christ, the only difference is that we feel guilty after and ask for forgiveness.
Imagine if Billy became born again after he was 20, almost ripe for marriage, so some years after conversion Billy takes on the first relationship without this renewal of mind the Bible requires of us, what do you think will happen?
You can be sure that Billy might not know the first thing two children of God in a relationship should be doing. And some Christians in church will meet Billy (burning and active for the Lord because of the fresh fire) and would be taken to her. From there a relationship begins.
So based on all this assumption a relationship begins, by the time either of them know what is happening, the quality of their foundation is revealed.
After giving our lives to Christ we need a complete overhauling. Someone reading this might say yes, but this happens over time, I do agree with that, nevertheless I believe a level of renewal of mind must take place.
Roman12:1-3 says I beseech you therefore brethren by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto the God, which is your reasonable service. And be not be conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
The things we have consumed in form of books, videos, music, words before knowing Christ have formed our philosophies and made us who we were before Christ.
So we did not get here just because man fell in the garden, we got here by virtue of the decisions we made before knowing Christ. We need to take some responsibility. And now we need to begin to prepare again the soil of our heart for God. Go back to the word of God for direction.
Remember How shall a young person live a clean life? By carefully reading the map of your word. Ps119:9 (MSG)
For some others this is not the story, it is that they have lived so much of a holy life that they don’t know what it feels like, what they carry is their curiosity, without any knowledge they fall victims at a time when they let down their guard. Remember He that breaks the edge, the serpent bites.
Bible says let no man thinks he stands lest he falls, this is one rule everyone must appreciate. No one has immunity from falling a victim, so even now I don’t see myself as attained. I do not speak because I am an authority, I speak because I am one who shares in this struggle.
Some married person reading this might regard all this as information for the single but I say no it is not, that is why I referred to the scripture, Let no man think He stands. A married man/woman is more exposed than the single, times come when for some reasons spouses cannot come together sexually because either of the two is indisposed for one reason or the other. Then other party needs to go back to all the lessons he/she learnt as a single and then it usually becomes a little more difficult.
No matter you status, No one is beyond being tempted sexually.
How then shall we escape?
Please your Comments will be well appreciated and stories of how you’ve been able to stay above will be well appreciated. You might be saving a soul.
See you soon.
Once upon a long time, man did not need to worry about being naked or not, he was innocent, without the knowledge of good or evil until he ate the fruit and his innocence was gone. Today we fight to live beyond the consequence of an act that took place several ages before we came.
This week we will look at one battle, peculiar to all at one time or the other, be it before or after marriage.
Sometime ago I was reading an article about a woman struggling to remain chaste for God. I was glad someone could open up about her struggles unlike many of us who keep quiet, while dying in silence and carry the image of a saint about until God in His mercy delivers us. If God opens our eyes to see the challenge many of us Christians face in our sexual life we would be surprised. Surprised to find out first that you are not alone, secondly that such issues can exist in the life of a Christian.
I was at a meeting years back where a married man confessed to having flash backs of past relationships (premarital ones I mean) while he was with his wife.
Today the challenges have increased; the devil has strategically positioned himself and even positioned us too for attack. Everything around us is trying to preach sex. The music, the dance steps, the films, the billboards, the girl or boy next door, the clothes in the market place, the internet etc all preaching one message, the devils message Sexuality!
- How did we get here?
- How do we get out?
- How can we live above these challenges?
I have found out that Christians in relationships (whether pre-marital or marital) are often more susceptible to sexual sins.
There is a need for us to reposition ourselves for this great challenge. Could there be something we are not doing right? How can we help one another? Many have made a mistake of saying scripture says if you are pressed get married but sincere people know it does not go away. It only comes back in another more complicated form called Adultery!
Just as I was writing this a scripture comes to mind, confess your faults one to another and pray for one another that you may be healed (James 5:16 KJV). This is a very powerful scripture that we do not practice and I really don’t blame us because of the quality of Christians around, I must tell you I have practiced this scripture and it works.
Christians in pre-marital or marital relationship should be able to confess this part of their lives with one another prayerfully with the mind of helping each other to remain pure.
I am a strong believer in the word of God being able to save us from all life’s issues. Bible tells us we will grow after we have tasted of God’s grace (1Peter 2:2-3).
Here are some scripture that have renewed my mind in this regards.
The right attitude
‘Love the Lord thy God with all your heart, all you soul and all your mind ’ (Matt 22:37).
The way to live Clean
How shall a young person live a clean life? By carefully reading the map of your word. Ps119:9 (MSG)
Grace to Live above sin
‘….where sin abounded, grace did much more abound’ Rom 5:20
“Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?” Rom6:1b
Some years ago, someone made an illustration relating sex to fire, that I will never forget, let me share what she said with you. She said sex within marriage is like lighting a stove with fire and then sex outside legal marriage is like throwing a lighted match stick into a keg of Petrol. Are you starting a wild fire?
God has put in so much for our restoration; we need to tap into these resources at our disposal everyday to remain above.
My prayer this week is that we will start a journey that will transform the life of our readers.
– omolola ezeifeoma
When I was pregnant with my first baby I subscribed to a pregnancy newsletter, one of the newsletters encouraged that its never to late to start eating right and in fact you can always start all over again – don’t give up. This helped a lot.
And this is the word for someone reading this article today. Have you made some silly mistakes in the past and you’re wondering if you can ever make up for them? Are you so afraid of making a mistake that you have refused to take steps? Is the fear of making a mistake causing you mess things up? God is talking to you today.
God makes ALL things work together for the good of people that are working towards fulfilling His purpose Romans8:28. Unlike men who look at outward acts, God searches the heart for the sincerity of purpose – I Samuel 16:7. I have made mistakes in handling my marriage from time to time but my mistakes have made me wiser. The mistakes made me wiser because of my attitude towards them. Every time I reflect on my marriage I decide to do better and sometimes start all over again.
There is no marriage counselor with a formula that works for every marriage, but God has given us Jesus as the Way to Life John 14:6-7. Jesus has left us with the Holy Spirit too, who will guide us into all truth and keep us from falling away, teaching us how to pray when we face terrible situations, revealing the truth of the word to us, telling us how to react to different situations John14:16-18.
I wish I could give a super formula that takes care of every issue in relationships but the truth it there is no other way than the one who was, who is and is to come.
God wants to walk with us through the valleys and the mountains. He knows the way; He alone has been through it before. Even if you have made a mistake before, go back and try again. Imagine if you refused to try walking again because you fell during your first attempt, you’ll never have known the joy of walking and running which you know today. Take your strides again. Rise up and try again. Keep Trying.
Good words to Remember –
- I’ve learned . . . that being kind is more important than being right.
- I’ve learned . . . that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
- I’ve learned . . . that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow you may have to eat them.
- I’ve learned . . . that I can’t choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do.
Have a Blessed Week!
– omolola ezeifeoma
|Some years back during the valentine season, my sister watched a very interesting couple on TV, being very impressed by their lives; she decided to tape the program. Last Saturday she came to my house with some interesting news – the beautiful couple were going through a divorce!
No! This is too much, some weeks ago it was two ministers of God that were in a wife batter situation and now this!
I am actually short of words. I was going to talk about one of these two incidents last week but I chose to be mute about it and just ask close friends to pray about the situation.
With the turn of things and how it affected me, I know its time to bring it on and talk about it through this medium.
It is really sad to find that two couples who have talked about marriage extensively are going to end their marriage but you know what, the beauty of God’s word is that it is settled; it needs no human validation or test.
The fact that these couple are going for divorce the second time in their lives does not mean the Gospel is not true. No, it remains TRUE!
But it sure tells all we book lovers to go back to the scriptures to find answers rather than go through book shelves looking for answers. I know it has gotten so bad these days that we Christians no longer read their Bibles because there’s a book on every topic on the book shelf. This is a wake up call to all ye book lovers to take a chill pill and go back to the Book of books. It gives instructions for the perfecting of the saints.
All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable fordoctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works. 2 Timothy 3:16-17
Follow link to get definition of the word.
Strong Concordance describes it as to tell a fault, rebuke, reprove.
Strong Concordance describes it as a straightening up again, rectification.
Strong Concordance describes it as tutorage, that is, education or training; by implication disciplinary correction: – chastening, chastisement, instruction, nurture.
Strong Concordance describes it as Fresh, that is, (by implication) complete.
Strong Concordance describes it as to finish out (time); figuratively to equip fully (a teacher.
I purposely left out any form of explanation; I want to encourage us to take time out to figure what this passage is saying and how it applies to your life especially your marriage. Have a great time finding God’s Purpose.
God Bless You
And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them and said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. Mat 18:2-5
Sometime ago I asked children in my Sunday school class the question, “how many of you tell lies?” In response I got several hands up. These ones didn’t care who was watching them or what the person felt, they were just being honest.
In the Bible passage above Jesus is teaching us a great lesson we need to live by. You need to be converted and live like children again to enter the Kingdom of God.
What is the kingdom of God about? It’s about a domain where God’s rules reign and as a result His Peace, Joy, Love, and Righteousness abound such place. If we are going make our marriage a prototype of God’s kingdom then we need to be converted.
In children’s world except for now that adults are beginning to negatively influence this pure ones, there is innocence, truthfulness, no malice, self expression, trust.
Have you lost your pure thoughts about your marriage?
What are you keeping from your spouse?
What is that hurt, you keep in your heart?
What are those words you have left unsaid to one another?
Who are you looking out to impress at the expense of your marriage?
Humble yourself like the little child and let God lift you up.
It is well with your relationship in Jesus Name.
I am so happy that we have the Word of God to hold on to, no matter what we go through in life. I don’t know what you are going through in your marriage or relationship at the moment but one thing I know is that, the issues you face today will pass. Just like the night gives way for the morning everyday, those things that make you fear that your dream marriage will not happen will pass away and give room for your dream.
Being married has made me realise that I really need to have someone to hold on to, someone I can throw all my weight upon when I am weak, someone who can love me in spite of all my past and future short comings, someone who always sees my heart and understands me, someone more than my husband … Jesus.
Just like anyone I have come to realise from experience that my dream marriage (just like yours) will not appear day one after the wedding. But one thing is for sure my marriage will evolve into my dream marriage.
Are you married? Are you going through issues in your marriage? Don’t give up! Hold on to God’s word and remember your dream marriage would evolve. God knows what you are going through and He has been there before. He was in your shoes when man fell in the garden, but unlike you being omniscience, the one who holds the future had Jesus as the ultimate plan for man’s redemption. Today, as a Christian you share His nature, you can be sure your dream marriage will come to pass. Remember in the beginning the earth was covered with water which speaks of instability but then God spoke and things began to take shape. Follow in His Steps.
Are you about to marry and in the midst of your wedding preparation you feel like you’re making a mistake due to pressures?
Don’t make the mistake many ahead of you have made. I have learnt from experience that many spend a lot trying to make the wedding ceremony a success and little attention is paid to life after the ceremony.
Oh I wish a great wedding ceremony will make a great marriage, believe me if it could, I would have mortgaged my earnings for the next twenty years for my wedding.
This is a mistake many make and I am sure someone is making at the moment.
I have discovered that the extravagant wedding ceremonies have been more of a pain for a lot of couples than a blessing. The guest have gone home talking about the display of wealth and all at the wedding. But the couple is left with debt incurred from trying to have a fairy tale wedding. The debts have even brought more strain to the newly weds relationship. Focus on the things that will improve on life after marriage and trust in God’s word all the way.
Are you in a budding relationship? Learn from the mistakes those ahead of you have made. Work towards being a better person, so you can have a dream marriage. Find out the things that are most important in life, chase them and make them your focus. Your dream marriage depends on who you are and the choices you will make. The choices you will make are determined by your person.
Love God and seek Him with all your heart, then God will settle you.
Read the Lyrics of a Song I love
It takes a strong determination
And heart that reconciles
Life full of devotion
Love that won’t give up
Your dream marriage will only appear after you have given it All
Are you there yet to know Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour, all I am saying might be strange to you. The first step is an encounter with the Lord Jesus. It starts with realizing you are incomplete without Him and that you need Him.
Pray this prayer “Father I have come to realise I am incomplete without you, I am a sinner who is sorry, like the prodigal please take me back. I believe you gave your son for my sin and I confess He is Lord even in my life from TODAY. Help me from now, order my steps that I might grow in the knowledge and fear of you. Thank you father because I know you have heard me”
Feel free to write me to let me know you views especially if you have prayed this prayer. Your views are always welcome.
God Bless you!
– omolola ezeifeoma