In a typical African setting, a man is seeing and perceived as a domineering boss when it comes to the issue of love, passion and feelings. Women find it difficult to understand why their yearning for the love of their husband is left unsatisfied or rather unnoticed by their husband. I have come to discover in three years of marriage that men perceive romance in totally different ways from the women. Most times, a woman provides so many gestures which go unnoticed by the man. A husband may try to do everything possible to make sure he gets to the heart of his wife only to discover that the precious wife did not appreciate it.
If your thought is as mine you may begin to wonder, ‘’but what is wrong’’ Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No! Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No! The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
In this piece I shall be speaking from the woman’s perspective, what can a man do to make his wife feel loved?
Fellowship Together:ave you ever wondered how you can ever survive in this lifetime journey without God? No way! Take time to have fellowship with your wife on a daily basis, in fact I recommend both morning and night. In the morning before you go to work, hold hands if possible to commune with your maker, the manufacturer of this great institution. A couple that prays together, stays together. Make out time to pray together, study the word together, sometimes worshiping God in hymns and worship songs together is the bomb. Also, you can however, plan a retreat together perhaps in your vacation period, during weekends or even on weekdays.
Communicate With Her: What most men do is talk to their wife and not communication. I am privileged to study mass communication in my higher institution, and I understand that communication is not a one sided affair. When you communicate, you send a message to your wife, she gives you feedback by responding and we need to understand that unlike in a normal general setting when it comes to the issue of a man and a woman, mode of communication is different. When a man asks his woman a question, he needs answer almost immediately. For example:
Man: How are you?
Woman: I am fine.
This is not the case with women, and honestly for you to get the right answer to your ‘’how are you today?’’ from your wife as a man you will have to go through some processes like:
- a) Put up a Smile
- b) Look into her eyes
Hold her slightly and gently ask her, Honey how are you today?
Communicate at every given opportunity, talk about everything. This will go a long way to bring her into your world of love.
- Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
- Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
- Do something active together to lift her spirit —even taking a walk hand-in-hand.
- Find something that makes you laugh together.
- Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
- Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says: most times, men don’t really have time for women talk. I remember some years ago I was discussing this same topic with some of my colleagues, and one of my very good male friends said, ‘’Jane, do you expect me to stay sitting down with a woman? You’ve got to show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
- Stop trying to fix or solve her problems. Listening may just be the single most masculine act you can do. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7).
- When there is need for correction, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE. Sometimes, women do some funny things that get the men angry but you can still with the help of God, correct your wife calmly.
- Let your wife know that you need and value her in your life, in your ministry, career and all round.
- Ask her what she wants: For example- “What do you need from me the most that would make you feel loved and cherished?
- Stop looking at your wife as a nag or a controller. When you see her that way, you are experiencing her as a “mother” or authority and you are the child that has to be compliant or rebellious. Instead, come from your own “inner adult” and see her as a person who has needs or wants. She is not a nag; she just needs you to come through for her and nurture her. She wants to depend on you to a certain degree. That will bring out her heart and her trust.
- Make her feel great just by being around you. This is where you want to make a woman feel safe. Everything from feeling comfortable that you’ll stand up for her if she is in need, to having someone to talk to when life gets crappy. If you can make a woman laugh, lift her spirits, ignite her passion, be an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on, any woman would be hard pressed to let you go.
Never cut yourself short. So remember, stand tall and let her take in all of the man that stands before her!
– Janet Funmi Jacob