“Children”, the Bible tells us, are an heritage of the Lord (Psa 127:3) in other words they are God’s inheritance – his property, as parents, we have only been privileged to be their custodians, caretakers and managers.
Seldom times, leaders who appear to be excelling in their career, business and ministry fail in the area of child upbringing. This in the eyes of the Lord is failure. The Bible tells us one of God’s purposes for instituting marriage in Malachi 2:15
Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are His. And what does He want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. (New Living Translation)
Didn’t God create you to become like one person with your wife? And why did he do this? It was so you would have children, and then lead them to become God’s people. Don’t ever be unfaithful to your wife. (Contemporary English Version)
The union of marriage is aimed at leading leaders to lead their children into becoming God’s people. In today’s world, even some pastors lose their children to societal vices and ungodly compromise. This was the case with scriptural examples like Eli (1 Samuel 3:13), Samuel (1 Samuel 8:1-6) and King David (2 Samuel 12ff).
The sins of Eli’s children included their acts of profanity and fornication with ladies who come to the ‘Church’ for worship. See 1 Samuel 2:22-25. Concerning 1 Samuel 3:13 Wesley wrote in his commentary – “They who can, and do not restrain others from sin, make themselves partakers of the guilt. Those in authority will have a great deal to answer for, if the sword they bear be not a terror to evil – doers.”
In the case of Prophet Samuel, his children (Joel and Abiah) made the elders of Israel to apply for a King (1 Samuel 8:1-5) because they were anxious for filthy wages, perverted justice and took bribes. It was obvious that God didn’t like their request for a king but had to approve it since the judges who were the children of the leader were a disappointment.
No matter how busy you are, you owe God, yourself and humanity the honour of raising godly children. To fail in this area will be to plan to destroy whatever legacy, prosperity and name you may be making for yourself.
Rise up, take responsibility and love, teach and train your children in the ways of the Lord so when they grow they will not depart from the righteous path – Proverbs 22. A few tips to managing your children:
– Start early: You can only bend a reed while it is tender and fresh
– Use the Word of God: Speak it into them, read it with them, teach it to them. Psalms 119:11
– Apply the rod: He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him quickly.. Pro 13:24
– Be firm: Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him. Pro 22:15 (NASB)
– Pray for and with them: Prayer changes things and people
– Love them: Don’t be harsh with them. Rather, treat them with love. Correct, but don’t bully them.
– Listen to them: Many kids just need some attention. Don’t get too busy that you have no time for them.
I trust the Lord to support you to manage your children for His glory.
– david sanda
Something that worked before in your relationship, can fail when tried another time
Have you ever tried practicing something you read from a book in your relationship and it worked, and then you tried the same thing another time and it flops?
Relationships are very dynamic in nature, because it involves two people who are constantly changing too. Sometimes the change is positive and sometimes negative, so we need to depend on the Holy Spirit on a per second basis.
Every relationship is constantly evolving.
Change is constant, just as your partner is changing for better or worse, so are you. Sometimes while you are thinking your partner is the problem, you actually are the problem. Our relationship takes a different dimension every time we go through some change of any sort. Jesus Christ tells us about taking care of the log in our own eyes first. Once you have a log in your eyes, your vision will be blurred and you’ll misinterpret situations. Keep working on becoming a better you and rub it off on your partner, then your relationship will evolve for the better. A better you will handle changes better.
Your relationship will become what you want after you have given it time to grow.
Many people especially women believe in the happily ever after story and so after the wedding they look forward to an unending honeymoon. Please don’t get me wrong I believe in the honeymoon lasting forever concept but before then there’s a price to pay.
The Honeymoon experience is one that everyone must have and like I say to my friends you must try to bring some stars back from the moon. After the honeymoon period is over and life is returning to normal gradually (not like it would ever be normal again), you begin to see that your marriage is not perfect, reality begins to set in.
You need to always remember that your relationship with your partner will eventually become what you want it to be, after you have sown seeds and given it time to grow.
Nobody knows you and your spouse more than the one who created you two in the first place. Only God can tell what your partner’s line of thought and reasoning is, therefore only Him can give adequate direction on what to do per time. God is even able to tell you your partner’s expectations so you can step up to meet them if you don’t allow flesh get in your way.
Therefore only the Father himself can guide you through His Spirit on how to apply all you have learnt. Sometimes information come tailor made for you and sometimes customization is required from your part when applying knowledge. Whatever the case may be, trust the Lord to lead you through His Spirit to apply knowledge.
Finally my brethren.. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all you ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
Counsel in the heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. Proverb 20:5
Have you ever been in a situation where you are driving on what you call your sure lane (because over time you have used it and it has always worked) only to discover that taking your sure lane was a terrible mistake. For one reason or the other it just was not your day.
Or have you ever bought a one size fits all shirt only to find out you are an exception to the rule.
If you have been in any of these kinds of situations, I say welcome on board.
We live in a time when people are hungry for knowledge more than ever before. People are seeking knowledge from books, conferences, seminars etc. This is a great development I am really excited and happy about. I see young people in relationships (marriage or courtship), going for counseling programs, seminars and reading books together, in the bid to make their relationship work.
After getting all the information, we want to apply them in our marriage or relationship, but for some reasons we find out that this laws are not working for us. Is it that God’s word is not true anymore or the principles learnt don’t work?
Life has thought me that these principles work but they have to be applied uniquely.
Have you ever been in a Mathematics class where your teacher teaches you a topic and it seemed so simple then only to try applying the principles to the assignment given to you and find out the steps followed are not working anymore. I used to have that problem until God gave me a supernatural break through His word.
Let’s start by sharing the Basics you must know about every type of relationship before applying any counsel.
- Every Relationship involves two unique individuals
- Application of every rule or law guiding relationships, is unique
- Something that worked before in your relationship can fail when tried another time
- Every relationship is constantly evolving.
- Your relationship will become what you want after you have given it time to grow.
Every Relationship involves two unique individuals
Our thumb prints prove the fact that every human being is unique, unique in style, perceptions, reasoning, thinking etc. So also is every relationship because it involves two unique individuals too. No two weddings or families are the same in anyway. Appreciate the uniqueness of your partner and take time out to study it.
Application of every rule or law guiding relationships, is unique
Don’t expect that doing the same thing another person did in your own relationship will bring about same result, no matter how widely accepted and Bible based such rule is. Things always work differently in every relationship. Take for example the two fundamental facts about the place Love and Submission in a relationship.
The husband needs to Love the wife and the wife needs to Submit. Nevertheless Love and submission will not have same approach in two relationships. What a woman in a relationship with a liberal man will have to do to be regarded as submissive will be entirely different when compared to a relationship with a traditional African man. So also the way love is expressed by a westernized man is entirely different from a typical African man.
You cannot say he does not love me because he does not do this and this and that, you need to first check out the person involved and capabilities. As basic as some things may be, they are strange to some others. Our backgrounds are different.
Sometime we even assume too much about our partners.
My prayer is that this few words will mark the beginning of healing in as many relationships as need to be healed.
See you next week for more on this very interesting topic that touches my heart.